*** IMPORTANT ***
It has come to my attention that there is a type of creature called "spoo" on that dim-witted show Babylon 5. Please note that the word "spoo" on this page has nothing to do with that dross.
Watch out for Spoos!


The Rules for Evolved Life Forms

rule 1. Watch out for Spoos
rule 2. do not act like a spoo
rule 3. do not make use of spoo gas
rule 4. do not think Directory Magic is the most advanced program for managing files
rule 5. do not stick your waffle in your apple juice
rule 6. do not flap your clothes in the fire
rule 7. do not be proud of having gigantic pants
rule 8. do not stick your bread in the candle
rule 9. do not pretend to be Soran and want to go to the Nexus
rule 10. do not stick meat in your water glass
rule 11. do not write "Soran rules" on people's back packs or on the wall
rule 12. do not rely on the cosmic knowledge of others
rule 13. do not rassle a yeti
rule 14. do not snowboard on corpses
rule 15. do not go near the abominable yellow snowman
rule 16. do not use your magic jacket to protect you from Evil Dave
rule 17. do not say "Most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
rule 18. do not sing the theme song to "Big Bad Beetle Borgs"
rule 19. do not use the colors on the 16 color Windows 3.1 palette
rule 20. do not stand on top of a mountain and think you will enter the Nexus
rule 21. do not forget to unlock the clamps on your rocket before blasting off
rule 22. do not forget where your towl is
rule 23. do not throw furniture
rule 24. do not de-evolve
rule 25. do not think you are a re-incarnation of Jim Morrison
rule 26. do not give your calculator to people named Brian
rule 27. do not go near The Embodiment of all Evil
rule 28. do not hit your friends with an umbrella
rule 29. do not be assimilated
rule 30. do not steal the lettuce out of someone's sandwich
rule 31. do not forget your geography lesson and then go insane
rule 32. do not allow your brain to atrophy
rule 33. do not anger The Picard
rule 34. do not hit your Christmas tree with a baseball bat
rule 35. do not wear alpaca pantaloons
rule 36. do not use a zombie death sword
rule 37. do not purchase a technologically advanced carpet
rule 38. do not act like a power ranger
rule 39. do not use a Zordon voice
rule 40. do not teleport to the command center
rule 41. do not laugh and drink at the same time
rule 42. do not forget the answer to life, the universe, and everything
rule 43. do not fling toothpaste on the ceiling
rule 44. do not throw mayonnaise at the wall
rule 45. do not talk to psycho-mutant humans
rule 46. do not slobber on the mirror
rule 47. do not have the wrong answer to life, the universe, and everything
rule 48. do not look at dancing skeletons
rule 49. do not eat books
rule 50. do not give spoos your writing implements
rule 51. do not think Norway is better than Sweden
rule 52. do not stuff Kleenex down the sink and then turn the water on
rule 53. do not say "wham slam bam" every ten seconds
rule 54. do not let your toad dry out
rule 55. do not modify the structure of your house with a chain saw
rule 56. do not build a nuclear reactor out of old film canisters
rule 57. do not fill a creek with dry ice to hide a town in fog
rule 58. do not live in a caboose with your imaginary friend
rule 59. do not write "Kurt Cobain lives" in the wall
rule 60. do not poke people with a pens or pencils
rule 61. do not think that people appreciate home-made soap
rule 62. do not act like a belligerent New Mexican
rule 63. do not wear stupid hats
rule 64. do not be near skeesh on a boat
rule 65. do not involve yourself with 2 µm
rule 66. do not think that water is acidic
rule 67. do not smash your cookie on the ground
rule 68. do not become belligerent when people re-arrange your icons
rule 69. do not eat cupcakes in the park
rule 70. do not speak improper English
rule 71. do not talk like a knucklehead
rule 72. do not fall into the pattern of disaster
rule 73. do not drink from the big ass beer glass at the grand slam monster jam
rule 74. do not start a chinchilla farm
rule 75. do not drain the fluid out of your transmission and drive 122 miles
rule 76. do not take a time machine back to the jive age
rule 77. do not transmit a negative aura during second level meditation
rule 78. do not eat an electric pineapple
rule 79. do not cry when your friend turns up the stereo in the gas station
rule 80. do not be an ear zombie
rule 81. do not fix things with a hammer
rule 82. do not steal the stone of scone
rule 83. do not be watched by an eye from a very unreal and subhuman source
rule 84. do not pester the squirrel of lightning
rule 85. do not drink a bottle of whisky and then knit a sweater for your grandma
rule 86. do not become someone's idea hamster
rule 87. do not listen to the groove-o-matic dance beat
rule 88. do not drink out of the soup latrine
rule 89. do not search for the vagrant humanoid drug dealer
rule 90. do not play flashlight tag with people on the moon
rule 91. do not talk to the killer clown in the sewer
rule 92. do not breathe the insanity gas
rule 93. do not go to the underground lair of the underpants gnomes
rule 94. do not join the Norwegian mafia
rule 95. do not change your name to Vanderdendur
rule 96. do not wear sweat pants
rule 97. do not use a cool-o-mat
rule 98. do not become a member of the triangle of ignorance
rule 99. do not act like the meeting moth
rule 100. do not become Mr. Stupendous
rule 101. do not participate in unacceptable and inappropriate behavior
rule 102. do not ride in the goon wagon
rule 103. do not take a magic carpet ride to see the king of the potato people
rule 104. do not depress the brake pedal when the caliper is off the rotor
rule 105. do not ignore Larry the Crime Donkey
rule 106. do not be irritated by trick photography
rule 107. do not let spoos eat your towel
rule 108. do not wonder if someone might slip on a banana peel
rule 109. do not eat all the popcorn
rule 110. do not be a message monster and hog all the answering machine tape
rule 111. do not convert all your liquid assets into nachos
rule 112. do not let Ozzy Osbourne mediate your dispute
rule 113. do not dance in the back of a lorry while driving down the A20 to London
rule 114. do not watch Babylon 5